The Teacher Heartbeat

I think I have the teacher heartbeat since young, knowingly or unknowingly.

I already knew that I would be a teacher since young, at the age of 5, when I entered kindergarten. And I wanted to be a Chinese Language teacher. It seemed kind of easy when you already mapped out what you want to do at a young age, and you just choose the path of studies accordingly.

My reason to be a teacher then was simple: it's an instinct, I just want to teach, and I love the language. Teaching to me then was not defined as making a difference in our students' life, imparting knowledge and inculcating the right values to them. But today it has to be.

My teacher heartbeat grows, because I have teachers who inspire.

I was very fortunate in all my schooling years as I have very good teachers whom I really admired and respect. I salute all my teachers who have taught me. They made me love the subject they were teaching (or rather I love them more) and I was very inspired to follow their footsteps.

Reality hit me - I raced against my own heartbeat.

Like many young and naïve teachers, I entered the teaching profession full of passion, dreams, enthusiasm and ready to make a difference in my students' lives. I was posted to a neighbourhood school, and received a cultural shock because I never knew such students existed and I almost wanted to transfer to an independent school which I knew there were vacancies.

It was tough coping, and I was helpless, and there was not much support given to new teachers. (That's why I make sure I give enough support to new teachers who just joined the school now.) As I joined the school in semester 2, I had to take over classes from teachers who had left and played the role of a stepmother. Things were messy and I hated to clear up.

Nevertheless, I stayed on. Why? The teacher heartbeat. I always hold on to my belief: I want to be a good teacher. I believed things will get better, and true enough, it did. I looked forward to a new year, where I set the tone right at the start. I was a happy teacher, I explored new teaching pedagogies, strategies... ... And I didn't know I'm actually doing things right, because later I realized that what I have been doing are in line with MOE's directives of I & E, TLLM... ... but nobody in the school told me this.

My idea was just to teach. The teacher heartbeat made me willing to try out new initiatives, to explore different pedagogies, to experiment with different teaching strategies. I was very happy when my students not only achieved results but also love the subject and... ... love me! With the teacher heartbeat, I enjoyed building good relationship with my students. I grew with them.

However, I was still hit by reality. Meetings, deadlines, administrative work, committee meetings, projects, CCA, SEM, difficult parents, MSG... ...

Things could have been better if the leaders walked with us, but we walked alone. Things could also have been better if there was the culture of sharing. I could handle much of these, but at the expense of lesson preparation and the piles of marking. I just wished I had more time, and I was worried for myself that I would get burnt out and become disillusioned. However, I am still determined to make the difference, and I know that I can. Teaching is a childhood ambition.

I questioned my own heartbeat.

Soon, I found myself asking these questions: What am I doing? Am I teaching the children? Or am I teaching the subject? Remember why I become a teacher in the first place? Because I know I can make an impact on someone's life by my actions. I can make the difference. But was I?

The worst thing to happen then was politics. I didn't want to be involved in any politics, but somehow it was unavoidable. Just as drinking coffee gives me heart palpitation, all these politics made my heartbeat softer.

My heartbeat nearly died.

My heartbeat nearly died, I became very fearful of school politics, but I still persevered, because of the teacher heartbeat, and it was my students who kept me going. But the heartbeat became softer and softer as politics worsened... ...

I revived my own heartbeat.

I knew I could not stay on in the same environment anymore. I had to move on. I wanted to have more exposure, more challenges, I do not want to disappoint the people around me, and I do not want to give up my dream – to be a good teacher.

The then faint heartbeat I had was still the teacher heartbeat. It was this heartbeat that kept me going in times when I didn't feel appreciated, when I felt hurt. This is the heartbeat to ensure that the passion will continue burning.

The heartbeat continues... ...

Teaching is more than just a job. The teacher heartbeat is not just about making a difference to students' life and moulding their future. It is not just about engaging the heart and mind of our students. It is not just the passion to teach. There is no one description for it.

Today, I am still a teacher, but it's just that I have taken a greater role to be a HOD. The teacher heartbeat is still the very essence that will make a good HOD.

There are things that I miss after I became a HOD, such as not having a form class of my own, or a CCA. The power of the form teacher and the rapport that she can create cannot be underestimated. I still enjoy preparing lessons, and enjoy the moments in class, but at the same time I am aware of the greater responsibility I am shouldering now as a HOD. The decisions made will have a greater impact on the students.

In our continued journey as a teacher, we may experience heartache or heart attack, but I believe that we can overcome any adversity with strong mental will. We also need to be more aware of our own heartbeat. From time to time, we need to recharge and strengthen the heartbeat. We need to constantly and consciously reignite the spark.

Till the day I rest, I know that the teacher heartbeat will continue in me.

My heartbeat continues, but what about the rest?

"To lead teachers, we must not lose the teacher heartbeat." (Ng Pak Tee) Yes, I'm glad my heart is still beating, but I think it's more than not losing my own teacher heartbeat, but also how to revive others heartbeat, so that they find it meaningful to stay in this profession and continue to give, if teaching is about giving and making a difference to the lives of our youths.

We often talk about addressing the needs of students, but what about addressing the needs of our own teachers? They are humans too, though they are adults. We need to also address the teachers' needs, their fear, their concern. Addressing the needs of the teachers is not just having the Staff Welfare Committee organizing activities, providing lunch during long meetings... ... I think it requires leaders who are able to empathize with the teachers and genuinely show care and concern for them, support the teachers, work with the teachers, walk with the teachers... ... and eventually win over the hearts of the teachers.

I must admit that when I started to lead the department in 2005, it was difficult for me to even think of addressing the needs of the teachers, as I was managing my own needs and trying to adapt to the new environment, the new job scope within the shortest period of time. Being young, I think I was too task oriented and not very sensitive and seemed to have neglected the needs of my own teachers, especially the more senior ones. I was unable to understand why they were hesitant to use IT, why they could not keep to deadlines, why they needed reminders to things that were already spelt out on paper, why they could not set original papers and had to lift from assessment books, why they were resistant to new initiatives... ... I used my own standard to judge.

The teachers had lived in the era of another HOD, and thought that they could still live with it. But society is changing, social and economic situations change so rapidly that education is also continually evolving to meet these changes. The whole education landscape has changed and it is difficult for teachers to play catching up, if they choose to remain in their comfort zone. I think at that time our heartbeats were beating at a different rate. Perhaps theirs were beating slower and I had unconsciously wanted theirs to beat faster. I think the frustration was mutual then and I knew I was losing some of them, because they wrote in for early retirement. However later I also realized that there are teachers who appreciate my joining in and perhaps these are the teachers who still have the teacher heartbeat and want to keep their heartbeat alive.

As a HOD, I cannot synchronize everybody's heartbeat, and I think I would never want to. Our hearts beat at different pace and we have to accept that. We just have to keep each other's heartbeat going steady, stable and strong.